Today I lay on the couch all alone. Sick and in pain from a pulled muscle that has me immobilized.
This is how I have spent much of the last seven months. On the couch. Alone. Sick, while my body makes you a baby sister the best way it knows how.
You are at your grandparents house. A place where you have spent a lot of time during this pregnancy.
This morning I looked at your beautiful face and realized that you are not a baby anymore.
I feel like I missed that transition. I feel guilty for not being the mom I want to be these past months. Guilty for missing so many months of your tiny life.
Most the time you were gone and when we were together I was sick, tired, or hormonal and I still couldn't be the mom I wanted to be.
So today I promise to try. I will try to enjoy the small things. I will try to cherish the tender moments. I will try ignore my to do lists and take time for just you. I will try to hold you and hug you and let you know how much I love you by showing it. I will try to be the mom I want to be.
I promise to try because you deserve it and because I love you so much.
Sincerely, your mom